New York Post:   A Brazilian diving duo are drifting apart and will no longer compete together — because one of them engaged in a “marathon sex session,” according to reports.

Giovanna Pedroso, 17, said she was booted from her room in Olympic Village so that her partner, 20-year-old Ingrid Oliveira, could have a late-night romp with another athlete.


Girls, man.  That’s why I’ve managed to stay single all these years.


Typical girl situation.  Always getting jealous of their pretty friends.  Probably shooting a ton of texts behind her back talking trash.  Hey Giovanna, I have a solution for you.  While your partner is getting laid, how about you either go to your friend’s place or find your own guy to sit on his face.  Basic college 101 here.  Now when that happened to my roommate in college, I’m a mediocre male so there were no random girls for me to go get, but as a FEMALE and an OLYMPIAN it shouldn’t be too hard to find a willing guy.

This situation brings up 2 points I’ve always wanted to get off my chest and talk about.

  1. I would obviously much rather be a real athlete than one of these Olympians but I’d be lying to you if I wasn’t jealous of Olympic Village life.  From all I’ve read, it’s just constant sex with everyone and an overall good time.  I need to find some bullshit Olympic sport like speed walking and start training for it so I can get in on the fun. Olympic Village life might be the number-one dream of mine and that would be over dreams such as winning a Super Bowl or any other championship sports.  Call me crazy but can’t stop what the heart wants (pretty positive I just butchered Selena Gomez’s line right there).
  2. I have a confession to make. I flat out don’t get “sex marathons.”  I can’t even wrap my head around that.  Are their breaks between sessions or is it just continuous? If a sex marathon is 6 hours long, is there at least 4 hours of some sort of foreplay? Do the guys cum every time? You’ll be lucky if you get 2 sessions out of me.  That’s on a good night too.  The 3 times I’ve had sex in my life, I’m usually ready for bed after session 1.  Way too lazy for that shit.  Then again, maybe that is why they are Olympic athletes and I’m here day dreaming about being in real life Tinder aka The Olympic Village. 


Of course, what kind of savage would I be if I didn’t post picture of the Star of the night.