Source- Team USA have only won five of the last 16 Ryder Cups. Four of those five victories have come on home soil. For the Americans to stand a chance of winning, they need their baying mob of imbeciles to caress their egos every step of the way. Like one of those brainless bastards from your childhood, the one that pulled down your shorts during the school’s Christmas assembly (f**k you, Paul Jennings), they only have the courage to keg you if they’re backed up by a giggling group of reprobates. Team Europe needs to shut those groupies up.

They need to silence the pudgy, basement-dwelling, irritants, stuffed on cookie dough and pissy beer, pausing between mouthfuls of hotdog so they can scream ‘Baba booey’ until their jelly faces turn red.

They need to stun the angry, unwashed, Make America Great Again swarm, desperately gripping their concealed-carry compensators and belting out a mini-erection inducing ‘mashed potato,’ hoping to impress their cousin.

They need to smash the obnoxious dads, with their shiny teeth, Lego man hair, medicated ex-wives, and resentful children. Squeezed into their cargo shorts and boating shoes, they’ll bellow ‘get in the hole’ whilst high-fiving all the other members of the Dentists’ Big Game Hunt Society.

Team Europe need to silence these cretins quickly.

Whether it is the captain, the players, or the crowd, it is the influence they exert that will decide the outcome. During my 33 years as an avid sports watcher, I have never cared more about the result of a single event. I am desperate for a win. Such desperation can lead to puerile outbursts. A more immature mind than mine might resort to petty insults or unflattering generalizations. I’m realistic enough to admit that I will struggle to resist the occasional capitalized tweet (I’ll keep the syllable count low for the sake of the dim Yanks). But it will be far more effective if it is the European players that do all the talking.

If these things happen, Europe will win, and I’ll try to support gracefully by embracing the same sense of fair-mindedness that has permeated this unbiased article. If not, the Americans will claim their second victory this century… those fat, stupid, greedy, classless, bastards.

 

The above paragraphs are excerpts from an article written by European Ryder Cup team member Danny Willett’s brother. PJ Willett, who rose to fame after live tweeting his brother’s Masters victory wrote this article about the upcoming Ryder Cup and how he wants Europe to beat the shit out of, “Those  fat, stupid, greedy, classless, bastards.”

Here’s an image of PJ Willett. Obviously he’s from England because he’s bald, paler than a ghost, and has terrible teeth, but I applaud you PJ, your article is just what the Ryder Cup needed.

Image result for pj willett

Golfers by nature are rich white males, who don’t come off as ultra-competitive. A perfect example of this was Team Europe’s response after PJ’s article. Danny Willett himself, came out and denounced his brother’s feeling towards American golf fans, and so has captain Darren Clarke, who had very strong words opposing a lot of the points brought up in PJ’s article.

And I say fuck those guys, Clarke and Danny Willett both. Thank you PJ for writing this article, which at points seems over the top, but touches on very true facts about US golf fans. And you know what? The Ryder Cup needs more of this, hatred breeds contempt and PJ Willett took off his filter and expressed his true feelings, the same feelings that a lot of Team Europe share about US golf fans. Everyone is so quick to be offended now-a-days. I enjoyed the barbs Willett threw at us. Yeah we’re fucking loud, yeah we fucking drink and eat too much, yeah we scream weird shit after every shot, that’s America in a nutshell. But it’s funny, none of our US golfers share those characteristics that our fans do. They’re all country-club, wonder bread, rich kids, who would be no fun to go have a beer with.

Bravo PJ, and may the best team win this year’s Ryder Cup.

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