Michael Jordan Doesn’t Know How Metaphors Work

Michael Jordan Doesn’t Know How Metaphors Work

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Michael Jordan made a surprise appearance at halftime of tonight’s Duke-UNC clash, much to the sheer joy of the Dean Dome faithful. Joined on the court by members of the Tar Heels football team, including head coach Larry Fedora, MJ made the announcement that the UNC football squad would begin donning Jordan Brand gear in 2017, joining the likes of the UNC basketball team.

Of course, Jordan is a former Tar Heel himself, so he had plenty of exaggerated compliments in store for a UNC football program that has been nothing more than subpar for 20 years now. Monotonous and mawkish, Jordan’s speech was easy to tune out. That is, until he concluded it with the worst metaphor in the history of figurative language.

While gazing intently into Fedora’s eyes, providing the sense that Jordan was on the verge of saying something sports-related that was so profound that only His Airness could think it up, Michael Jeffrey Jordan told Coach Fedora, “The ceiling is the roof.” Wow, how deep. The Dalai Lama couldn’t have said it any better himself.

For one, the encouraging phrase was a lie. Attempting to imply that UNC football could reach the top, thereby having no true ceiling limiting its ascension, Jordan pretty much told a comforting lie about a mediocre football program on national television. That will make it all the worse when North Carolina disappoints this coming fall, as the team will have made both itself and the most famous UNC alum of all look stupid.

Secondly, MJ clearly isn’t an English aficionado because that metaphor he made doesn’t add up at all. For a metaphor, which is figuratively stating that one thing is something else, the subjects of discussion must be similar and subjectively connected somehow, but they can’t be basically the same exact thing.

Saying that the top portion of a building is…you know…the top portion of a building is not really an adequate metaphor. It’s just redundant and essentially meaningless. But Michael will have to learn that the hard way: through the relentless scourge of social media. At least Jordan’s failed attempt at being verbally clever didn’t fall as flat as Jerry Rice’s, though.

 

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