Adam Schefter Is Insufferable

Adam Schefter Is Insufferable

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ESPN NFL insider Adam Schefter is a hateable little shit for a number of reasons. Now that it’s NFL free agency season, all of those reasons are constantly at the forefront when tuning in to ESPN. It’s like early March provides Schefter with his annual two weeks of fame before he goes to back to being nothing more than the resident town crier for ESPN’s NFL coverage.

And that’s understandable because this is the most important time of the year for good ole Schefty to do his thing, but, in recent years, he’s been getting way too much attention for it. Thus contributing to Adam Schefter becoming the biggest prick on ESPN (which is no small feat).

For one, anytime he’s on air he acts as if he’s working special ops for the CIA. He uses a fake uber-serious businessman voice when discussing shit as relatively unimportant as the top offensive linemen on the free agent market. He also carries, like, three cell phones with at him at all times (two of which probably aren’t even activated) and has the audacity to check them and even, on occasion, answer them while giving an on-air interview.

But ESPN lets that stuff slide because he’s its little golden boy of NFL reporting. This year, Schefter has even been given the power to interrupt live college basketball broadcasts to provide free agency updates. And on NFL-related shows, such as NFL Live, there are cutaways throughout the show that look in live at Schefter talking on his fucking phone to God knows who. ESPN wants viewers to assume that he’s speaking with some NFL executive, when, in reality, he’s probably just yamming it up with Chris Mortensen.

Schefter is also a tiny-ass dude. Not that there’s anything wrong with short people. But the 5’4” Schefty screams Napoleon complex. Any man who’s as short as he is and as arrogant as he is about doing basically nothing has to have a Napoleon complex.

Which brings the next point addressing why Schefter is a prick into the fray. His job doesn’t require all that much skill. He’s basically like a messenger boy. He doesn’t have to go out into the field to do legitimate research his “reporting.” And he doesn’t even have to write anything. He just relays information fed to him by NFL executives and agents. That’s one of the many stupid things associated with sports media today: the glorification of purported “insiders.” I mean, seriously? Calling them insiders? Like Chris Broussard and Brian Windhorst are the next Woodward and fucking Bernstein? Give me a break.

And, lastly, Schefter’s an unathletic pipsqueak. Yet, somehow, he’s the face of reporting for the most macho professional sports organization that there is. I mean, the tiny, little man can’t even catch a damn football without getting knocked over.

So, yes, Adam Schefter is indeed a huge prick. Being so pretentious that you walk away from a live, on-air panel discussion to take a call is bad enough regardless of who does it. But when the culprit is a short, pompous jackass whose job is effectively that of a human ticker tape for NFL news, it makes the act unfathomably sickening. Therefore, the throes of NFL free agency can’t pass soon enough because the more that Adam Schefter is on the television screen, the more vomitous that ESPN becomes. And it’s already pretty damn vomitous.

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