This was a discussion me and some of my roommates were having a while back. Lets say maybe you go home with the wrong guys girlfriend, or shit talk the wrong guy when you’re sloshed on your way home from the bar. Whatever the case, you’ve got 6 baaaad dudes coming after you and you need to assemble a starting 5 to go into battle with. Who ya got?



Instigator: Brett Pearson, Failed Vasectomies (Intramural team), 6’0, 182 lbs.

Yes. I’m in the pink. Yes. I know I’m incredibly handsome. I tend to do a lot of stupid things, however I’m very rarely the instigator and try to stay out of the fight game. But, if I ever find myself in this situation I’m gonna snort a whole lot of pre-workout and be ready to crack some skulls out there along side my boys.


PG: Marcus Smart, Boston Celtics, 6’4, 220 lbs.

Marcus Smart looks like a pitbull, and he plays like one too. Remember when he went into the crowd when he was playing for Oklahoma State to smack a fan for calling him the N-word? Yeah, that’s the kinda guy I want next to me. Also, not a bad sized dude to have as the second smallest guy in the group.



SG: Lance Stephenson, Indiana Pacers, 6’5, 230 lbs.

You always need a psycho in your group, and since Tyler Hansbrough is out of the league I’m gonna go with Lance as my psycho. Lance will be out on the front lines running his mouth and blowing in peoples ears before we come to blows. Back in the day Lance was suspended from Lincoln High School for beating the crap out of kids. He’s the kind of guy that’ll bring a knife to a fist fight, or a gun to a knife fight… Love that mentality.


SF: Jimmy Butler, Chicago Bulls, 6’7, 231 lbs.

I’d go with my boy LeBron here, but he’ll be busy winning a ring or something else important.. so I don’t wanna waste his time. Jimmy though, kid was homeless as a teenager.. which means he was hardened on the streets and probably got in a fair amount of scraps. Jimmy is going to be our cold blooded assassin out there.. a street tough guy that’s definitely got one punch knockout power.



PF: Zach Randolph, Memphis Grizzlies, 6’9, 260 lbs.

Z-Bo fucks… There’s no other way to put it.


C: Kendrick Perkins, FA, 6’10, 270 lbs.

This was a toughy between Perk, Birdman and Boogie. Boogie is just too talented on the court to bring into this.. but Perk, on the other hand has absolutely no skills on the court what so ever. He’s also out of a job at the moment, so I’m sure there’s nothing holding him back from chucking some knucks.